04:21 - i've been thinking about formal (aus equivalent of prom) and im honestly dreading it so much. i mean for starters i'm just not a fan of big social events like that but that the least of my concerns. first of all i know that my family is going to try and force me to wear a suit, and im going to tell them that i dont want to and they're not going to listen and then they'll buy me one against my will and guilt trip me into wearing it. and even if they give up on that i doubt they'll buy me a dress and i dont even know what kind of dress i'd want!!! i dont even own any dresses i've only tried them on a few times what if i look bad and even if i dont my family will tell me that i do until i give up!!! a lot of dresses are too revealing for me and im as flat as the laptop im writing this on!!!
at the end of the day i know that as long as my girlfriend is there with me i'll be fine!!
04:23 - btw sorry for not posting at all for the last like two weeks i got stumped with school work and when that was all donti lowk had nothing to say ^^;
23:32 - i think its kinda interesting how my "i hate the feeling of being seen please dont look at me or acknowledge my existince" manafests so diferently every day. like somedays im really angry at almost all the ppl around me because i dont want anyone knowing that i exist(?? idk how to word it better), somedays im really anxious and can bearly speak to anyone and even when i do its almost a whisper, and somedays i'm completely fine and am my normal self its so weird but also like 40% really funny idk
